Habitat for Steve

I’m thinking of starting up a new sort-of-charity, the sole beneficiary of which would be me. I’m calling it Habitat for Steve. Here’s how it would work: You (whoever you are) would donate time and money to me for cleaning up my yard, building new stuff, and generally helping me out around the house. You couldn’t write this off, but you would have nice warm-and-fuzzies and the genuine sense of accomplishment that would come from helping Steve out.

Habitat for Steve has nothing to do whatsoever with Habitat for Humanity, which is a fine organization. Supporting Habitat for Steve would not prevent or preclude you in any way from supporting Habitat for Humanity, which is not only fine, but pretty cool, too.

My Most Humble Request: An Open Letter to Ms. Angelina Jolie & Mr. Brad Pitt

My Dear Ms. Jolie and Mr. Pitt:

Greetings from your most humble and adoring fan. Let me please, first of all, and however belatedly, congratulate you on the additions to your very large and growing family. How many is it now? Six? Goodness you are most blessedly rich and fecund. Surely eight will not be enough. Surely you will want to have more! Perhaps you shall have more?

As a father myself, I understand the joys of children and the great weight of responsibility they will bring upon your house and upon you as a couple, and how you will now and then wish to exterminate them cruelly.

I recommend you not do this. Those feelings will pass.

Yes, my friends, I know. I have experienced these feelings myself and found the strength to rise above them. Continue reading

County-wide Freeze tag

I live in the fabulous county of Fairfax, Virginia. Some time ago, don’t ask how long, the county government–or perhaps it was the state–instituted what is called “the moment of silence” as, one is led to suspect, a substitute for a “moment of prayer.”

But given that the latter is illegal, they apparently, in their infinite wisdom, selected the former. I don’t know if our lawmakers have ever experienced the moment of silence in actual practice, but I can pretty much guarantee you that the only prayer that’s going on is being done by the parents, who, like me, have brought little Johnny or Jane to school late after a doctor’s appointment and have found their entire school frozen in the moment.
Will someone please stop this waste of my, my children and other people’s time?